Welcome back everyone! How did all of our setbacks go since we last met? Did any of them get turned into an opportunity to better ourselves? Were there any kind of lessons that came from those setbacks?
I’ve currently been struggling with my time management (Yes, more so than usual). It’s officially the end of summer, which means that schedules have changed quite a bit around here. *EEK!*
I am a 24/7/365 single mom to an incredibly active five-year-old boy. He just started what we are calling “big boy school” (aka, kindergarten) and the whole, get going first thing in the morning-get your kid to school on time-and make sure he isn’t still in his jimjams-five days a week thing is already giving me a run for my money (It’s only been 2 ½ weeks Jessica!).
You see, I have never been a morning person and have generally always had a job that didn’t require me being anywhere before 10am. But now . . . we’re here. Apparently this is all part of “adulting”. Yes, I’m fully aware that I am in my *cough* late *cough* thirties, so it’s about time (eye roll), but I’ve worked hard at avoiding such things all while maintaining my adult status, thank you very much.
Next, we’ve got the fact that apart from working as a dance and fitness instructor, we’ve now got this whole new, amazing Light A Fire adventure happening. And at some point I looked down at my plate and didn’t think I had enough on it so I decided to go back to school as well!
Uhmmm. what?!
Figured if my lil dude was brave enough and excited about it all, then I should be too!
SO yeah, anyone reading this have any extra time they’d like to share with me? No? You’re fresh out too? Dang. Okay.
How about teaching me better time management skills? That has DEFINITELY never been a forte of mine. And it really doesn’t help that the older I get, the harder it is for me to stay awake and work into the wee hours like I used to. *Gulp*
Back to the topic at hand- have I learned anything from my time tribulations? Have I figured out if there is a silver line in there that’s going to build me up and teach me some things? I most definitely have NOT. But am I super stressed about it, or letting it burden me to the point where I’m bummed all day that I can’t get my life together? No way, Jose!
Look, it’s hard.
Lot’s of things in life are hard, no fun, boring, trying, exhausting, and so on. Why am I trying to add one more thing to the “difficult things in life” list? I’m not! So what am I gonna do about it?
I am going to make a choice, that’s what.
On one side I’ve got happy Jess, and on the other side is bummed out, frazzled, feeling worthless Jess (EWW).
Interestingly enough, the no fun, bummed out, frazzled, feeling worthless Jess is surprisingly easy to maintain and has the ability to snowball also with quite a bit of ease. And just like yours, my brain has an amazing trigger system.
When we are under a lot of stress our body releases a hormone called Cortisol. It works with certain parts of your brain to control things like mood, motivation, and fear. Fight or flight baby! This is when the bummed out, frazzled, and worthless stuff gets magnified and we have now completely convinced ourselves that this is the only way.
But alas! Fear not!
This is simply your brains protection mechanism, and not necessarily something that you should actually be afraid of, bummed about, and so on.
Its just stress . . . But its stress! AAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
Trust me, if in the moment of total frazzled meltdown you said to yourself, “it’s just stress”, you’d find that you end up being well, not so stressed! That would be your moment of checking in, or snapping out of it, so to speak. It’s literally the chemicals in your brain and body.
That’s it. THAT. IS. IT.
Some people may be really good with that whole “cool as a cucumber” thing when it comes to processing their own stressors.
But what about when it’s not your own? When it’s someone else’s stress or super bummed out-ness? C’mon, we’ve all met someone that managed to suck the life out of you and everyone else within an arms length radius. The party pooper. The one who rained on the parade with their gloomy, grumpy clouds. What do we do then? It’s out of our control, right? Wrong.
Perhaps you can’t control THEM but you most certainly do have control over:
- How you react to them
- Whether or not you keep yourself around them
- Whether or not you let their mood influence yours. All of that is in your hands.
So what choice do you make?
Do you lash out at them for being a total bummer? Continue to hang out with them knowing full well that they are a drain on your happy? Catch their grumpy germs and now you are all walking around with a party pooper mindset, just spreading it to everyone you come in contact with? OR, do you make choices that leave you and your happy intact?
If it’s a close friend, significant other, or family member it can be difficult to distance yourself because our instinct is to want to comfort them through the grumpies. Sometimes however, preserving your mental wellbeing needs to take priority.
Lastly, we’ve got experiences.
Everyone’s experience is different. Our lives have been impacted differently from them, wired us differently, and given us varying points of view.
You could have two kids that grew up together right next door to one another, went to the same school, had a similar family income, played all of the same sports together, and were even culturally and ethnically similar.
However, one kid could come from a family that never said, “I love you”, wasn’t big on family time, didn’t show much affection, and believed that success meant being better than everyone, and could only be seen through material things.
The other kid grew up in a very close knit family, full of laughter and abounding with love, was taught that being significant was true success, and never went a day without saying, “I love you” to their family/friends.
Would you guess that they’ve been “wired” differently and therefore approach life differently? Most likely, yes.
Of course there are exceptions to every situation, but we’ve all had a certain set of tools and programs installed in us (both good and bad), whether at an early age or even later in life. If someone has found themselves in situations that led to being lied to, hurt, and taken advantage of over and over again, that person is probably going to have something along the lines of trust issues.
Our experiences shape us, give us a point of view, and can lead us down particular paths in life.
These experiences are generally also out of our control. But yet again, there are things that you CAN control here. I feel as though this one is the hardest of the three frownie face factors because it involves a lot of work, self realization, and willingness to accept some hard truths.
Think about it- years and years of programming that has to firstly, be recognized and open to change, and secondly, REprogramming the new information. EEK!
It was easy when we were little, we didn’t have to think much about it all. But now as an adult, we are “set in our ways” (aka, programmed) and this type of learning and changing is met with more and more push back, along with the unwillingness to change what’s comfortable and familiar.
Though change may be difficult, it’s not impossible.
And WARNING! on this one:
You aren’t going to be the same person you started as, and that is okay.
Sure, people will notice the new you, and to be honest, some might not like this growth of yours. Those are the people who are stuck within themselves, resisting change, and unwilling to be open to a personal upgrade. That’s okay too! Their inability for change and growth shouldn’t impede you and yours.
Every single day you make choices.
Choosing to get up and go to work, choosing what outfit you are going to wear, whether or not you are going to workout that day, what food you are going to eat, what you are going to do with any spare time you might have, if you are going to go spend some time with your friends, and a million other things. Every. Single. Day.
Why can’t happy also be something you choose to put on/do/be for the day?
So many think that happiness is dependent solely on all of the factors going on around us and our day, but never stop to realize that comes from within us, and US ONLY. You, me, the grumpy guy at the coffee shop- we are the only ones responsible for our own happiness.
No matter your situation in life, I will always ask you, “Okay, so what are you going to make of it then?” It all comes down to choice.
Are you going to choose happy?
Of all the chemicals in all of the bodies, why does this one have to mess with us so much? (Trust me, they’re all messing with you. Ha!)
Why can’t I just always be happy? I shouldn’t have to work at it. These things, I cannot answer. But what I can give you, are a few tips to help flip that frown upside down and turn it into a big ole smile. Now, these won’t hurt, but if it’s your first time trying any of these, proceed slowly, one day at a time, and don’t forget to breathe through the awkward feelings *wink wink*. Here we go . . .
Gratitude will manifest into a life of magnitude:
Have you thought about the things you are grateful for lately? Well ya should. Gratitude journals are becoming more and more popular these days, but even just taking a moment to think about one thing you are grateful for will immediately change your mood and mindset.
Lend A Helping Hand:
Whether it’s paying for a coffee for the person behind you in line, hiding a love note for a family member to randomly find throughout their day, or helping that little kid reach their favorite cereal on the top shelf at the grocery store. . . go outside of yourself to help someone else. It will make you feel good, forget what you were frowning about (even if for just a moment), and you will have just made the other persons day.
Move it and lose it:
There has been research upon research done on the benefits of exercise/moving improving your state of mind, and making you feel better about not only yourself, but about life. Want to add a whole other level to this movement thing? Add some music and the blues will groove right on out of you. ‘Motion is lotion’ not only applies to your body, but your mind as well.
Every day you have a choice on how that day will go. Without you even realizing it, your thoughts create your reality. Every second, you are given the opportunity to make that second exactly what it is.
Seconds, minutes, hours, and days; YOU choose what they will look like. Choosing happy is an action, a life fulfilled is the side effect.
Choose wisely.
I love you. GO FORTH!
~Jess
